Class of 2023. It seems like just yesterday I was anxiously getting ready for my first day of 9th grade. At that moment, senior year felt so far away, but it hit me faster than a semi-truck. I cannot fathom that in two months I will be getting ready for my last first day of high school. Like most upcoming seniors, I am worrying about applications and stressing about test scores, wondering if I am good enough, smart enough, and capable enough to make it into my dream universities.
Never in my life have I ever felt so rushed. I almost feel like it’s too late for me to show how capable I am or how much of a good addition I could be to some amazing school. I spent most of my high school years feeling left out or feeling like I wasn’t qualified to do anything. I never did any clubs, or sports, I was never a part of NHS (even though I’m qualified to join), and I never joined STUCO. I can’t help but wonder how slim my chances are being compared to the kids who did everything and anything and took millions of AP classes and scored 1500s and 36s on the SAT and ACT. I feel so small and unprepared for the new path I’m heading towards. Time keeps moving and I’m stuck.
I don’t want to be petty and blame the military for moving me around during my high school career, but as a semi-shy kid, it’s hard to push myself to do those amazing and scholarly things that shine and sparkle on college apps. UGH! Sometimes I lay in bed and just think about how if I could’ve stayed at my old school I might’ve been able to get out of my shell and join those sports and clubs and honestly just enjoy my high school years more.
Trying to find my footing in two schools with completely different atmospheres caused me to lose myself and I became a stranger to not just me but my family.
High school has been quite the rollercoaster and nothing came easy. COVID-19 and online school prohibited me from getting an adequate education and caused me to slack off which made junior year more difficult and stressful trying to get back on the wild bull that is school work.
Thinking about how much work I STILL need to do makes my throat bubble up. Honestly, this has made me feel so isolated because it seems like everyone else knows what they’re doing and I have no clue.
But enough complaining and blaming, I have one more year to prove to myself that I am ready and suited to apply to all of my dream universities. If there is one thing that high school has taught me, it is that hard work does pay off.
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